Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
