I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
