why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
