My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize