I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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