i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
