We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
