Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
