You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
