new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
