just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
