He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
