Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
