Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
