So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
