If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
