So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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