well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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