I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
