Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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