i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
