Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
