i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
