I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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