Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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