I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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