I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
