I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
