Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
