I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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