I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize