she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
