i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
