All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize