So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
