He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
