Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
