So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
