So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
