Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize