I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
