My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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