So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
