What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
