She's JV to your varsity
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
