We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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