Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
