You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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