took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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