so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
