TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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