We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
