Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
