I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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