we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
