Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
