god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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