Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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