is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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