Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
