I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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