quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
