idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
