Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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