Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
