hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Randomize
