Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
